Happiness First: Why I’ll Always Have My Children’s Backs
I’ve been reflecting lately on how I brought up my children — gently, protectively, and always with their happiness at the centre of every decision. Not everyone has agreed with my approach, but I also understand why. So many of us are simply repeating what we saw and heard as children. We parent the way we were parented, until something makes us pause and ask: Is this really right for us?
Learning to Listen to My Children — Not Just the World
When my daughter started high school at age 11, she found herself completely overwhelmed — a sensitive soul lost in a sea of over 2,000 pupils. She felt energies deeply, picked up on every unspoken feeling and undercurrent. It absolutely crushed her.
People told me, “Give it a couple of years — she’ll grow out of it.” But I didn’t want her to grow numb to what she was feeling. I didn’t want her to simply learn to live with discomfort because it would make others more comfortable.
The High School Lesson That Changed Everything
After six weeks, I told her she was never going back — and the relief for all of us was immense. That moment shaped how I’ve made big decisions ever since. I always ask myself: If no one else could see what I’m doing — no neighbours, no extended family, no parents at the school gates — what would I choose? The answer is always clear: happiness first. Everything else comes second.
Choosing Happiness Over Appearances
I’ve never been interested in impressing other parents with perfectly turned-out children who sit still and stay spotless. Children are meant to play, run, get muddy, spill things — to be children.
Yet so often I see little ones treated like tiny soldiers — expected to sit still, stay quiet, keep their clothes spotless, and act far older than they are. They’re dressed in clothes too fancy to climb in, told off for laughing too loudly, hushed for squealing with excitement, reminded not to spill a drop at dinner.
But childhood isn’t meant to be silent and spotless. It’s meant to be noisy, messy, curious and full of life. When keeping up appearances matters more than letting children be themselves, we forget what really counts: their happiness.
Generational Patterns — And How We Break Them
I know most parents are doing the best they can with what they learned growing up. We’re all products of our own upbringing. But we don’t have to pass down everything unchanged. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: our children’s happiness and well-being must come before what anyone else thinks.
A Simple Reminder for Any Parent
My children, now 22 and 24, know without a doubt that I always had — and always will have — their backs. If that’s the one thing they carry with them, I’ll be proud.
With love,
Kerry xx
